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ag01.mp3
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Apple Gunkies
The first one aired. Voice: Rory Johnston on this and others unless noted.
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ag02phenyl.mp3
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No phenylalanine
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ag03beet6.mp3
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Beethoven's Sixth Symphony
The only Apple Gunkies ad featuring my own voice... raised an octave.
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ag04astronomy.mp3
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Astronomy lecture
I believe this style of humor may owe something to Max Shulman, humorous writer of the day and creator of the "Dobie Gillis" TV series.
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ag05physics.mp3
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Physics lecture
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ag06grandma.mp3
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When Grandma made Gunkies in the good old days...
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ag07funkypeople.mp3
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The gunky food for funky people
Voice: Saffron Whitehead. (The lack of authenticity in the hipster slang is intentional).
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ag08getgunked.mp3
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Don't get drunk, get gunked!
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ag09brahms1.mp3
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My Mom Feeds Me Gunkies
Voice and writer: Sue Lasdon. Set to the noble chorale-like passage in the last movement of Brahms' First Symphony. Possibly suggested by an earlier Apple Gunkies I had done, set to a theme from Beethoven's Sixth.
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ag10dunkagunk.mp3
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Do we have to have doughnuts again for breakfast?
Voice: Sue Lasdon and friend. Writer: Sue Lasdon. (I don't know the significance of the name "Zorina.") As the Gunkies mythos evolved, various properties and secret ingredients accumulated. I think I introduced "ATP." ATP (adenosine triphosphate) is found in all living things and is used for energy exchange at the subcellular level, so, if Apple Gunkies had been real, the statements that they contain ATP and that ATP "contains energy" would be, like many advertising claims, literally true but misleading...
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ag11dontflunkit.mp3
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Don't Flunk It--Gunk It!
Voice and writer: Sue Lasdon. "Steinway and Hemenbeck" How time flies... At that time, Ernest Hemingway and John Steinbeck held very elevated ranks in the pantheon of American writers. Still on summer reading lists, I think, but fading fast.
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ag13blueaqua.mp3
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New color!
Voice and writer unknown, as is the source of the "sounds of the impartial computer analyzing dental records."
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ag14breathefat.mp3
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Breathe Away Your Fat
parodied a style heard in some of the stupider ads of the time. I'm afraid I've forgotten who the authoritative-sounding announcer was; Mark Green played the part of the witless echoer. Notice that it's over a minute long; originally all the Apple Gunkies ads were timed to run exactly one minute, but by the time we did this one Apple Gunkies were sort of a feature in themselves and didn't necessarily run opposite one-minute commercials. Xylol is a toxic and flammable solvent used by histologists to prepare slides; I was familiar with it from a summer job I had in a biology lab, which, come to think of it, dates this as 1965 or later.
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ag15nowinbags.mp3
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Now in bags!
Voice and writer Mike Davis. The punch line is an off-color deprecation popular at MIT at the time.
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ag16toourboys.mp3
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Send some to our boys in Vietnam
Voice: Saffron Whitehead.
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ag12864ways.mp3
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864 Varieties
Voice, and probably writer: Dan Murphy. the voice of the "kid" is Larry Kilgallen.
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